Sophie Hwang, former Project manager of developing S/W system
I try to separate from myself and see myself when I suffer mental challenges.
When I have to do something, I create a detailed plan and go over everything with any issues that may arise. Most of the work had done well as planned. However, my health was not in good shape. There were always concerns, anxiety, and pressure that things might not go as planned. I wanted to do everything well and be recognized and not be criticized. Often I felt there was someone in my head who was constantly pushing me to do this and that, whipping me to get the best results. There was a negative effect on the body as well. Sweat continuously flowed from my hands, and my heart was always racing. My neck and shoulders stiffened as the tension continued, and I always had severe headaches.
People say the first step to overcoming mental challenges is seeing oneself. However, since we are self-centered, it is not easy to see ourselves objectively. In my case, meditation enabled me to overcome being an obsessive perfectionist and improve my mental health.
I close my eyes and take a step away from me with my mind. The more considerable the emotions and attachment, the more difficult it is to detach from me. "How can I give up on me who have lived so far as me?" Ego refuses to separate from me. But, I deny the self and take one more step away. The farther away from me, the longer the breathing interval and deeper breathing. Even though there is no distance in the universe, I try to go further and further into the universe with the mind.
Looking from a distance, I feel like I don't belong to the earth anymore, and I can't go back to my planet. Far from the universe, I look back on my life.
I can see a girl running to her mom with a good grade report card. But, instead of her mom saying that you did well, she said it's just a result of your hard work. I was disappointed. There was not enough compliment I expected. Therefore, there remained an unfulfilled desire for recognition and anxiety that I had to do better next time. Even though I was good at many things, the pressure always was there. It was as if I had a dark cloud hovering over my head, even as I went to college, got a job, and got married even as a grown-up.
I watch an autobiographical movie starring Sophie. I can see my emotions buried in moments of life. After looking back on my life, I let go of the greed and obsession buried in my life. The illusion of life, which is a movie film, disappears. Emptying the mind creates optimistic energy for me.
I can hear a voice from my heart.
You don't have to be perfect. Everything is okay. Be yourself!!
Live as it is like wind and cloud.
You are whole and complete just the way you are.🌸🥀🎈
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